We are sorry to inform you that you are in a cult. This must come as a bit of a shock. Your first instinct will no doubt be to recoil in denial. “Me? In a cult? Absolutely not!” We must unfortunately insist. It’s okay though, you had no choice. You were born to parents who started your indoctrination from day one. And, perhaps even more insidious, the cult has been watered-down from its original form, in order to retain members. Thus, the signs and scars created by your cult are subtler than those one might otherwise expect.

Like it or not though, the cult has left noticeable marks on you. In fact, that’s how we identified you. You can think of this place as a sort of recovery and rehabilitation center. Our patients come from cults of all shapes and sizes, and we are well-versed in de-programming and societal re-entry techniques for each and every one of them. Perhaps most importantly, you will not be forced to avoid the cult afterwards. If, after making it through our program, you desire to return, we will not stop you. We only ask that if you do, you keep us in mind if any of your fellow cult members express a desire to escape, or even a mere curiosity about t