For this piece, I am going to simplify management a bit. Let us assume there are three different hats you wear as a manager. They are: the Leader, the Fixer, and the Coach. I will briefly explain each role and then explain how I’ve screwed up each. I’m going in reverse order because I’m building tension.

The Coach

Your standard persona. You are the more experienced human in this team, and your job is to pass your hard-earned wisdom on to others. Most of these lessons are not planned because we move intently and quickly in business. After all, that’s how you win.

Problems arise. Conflict ensues. Some you see with your eyeballs, others you hear about after the fact. In both cases, your job is usually not to escalate but to educate.

You say things like:

• Did you think about this perspective?
• When I’ve seen this in the past, this is why it happened.
• Allow me to explain how I’ve failed amply doing this in the past.

Delivery of this wisdom is key to both building up the team and establishing yourself as an approachable Coach.

And this is how I screwed it up.

Months after I left a prior gig, I received a mail from the person who took over my role. A friendly note. They wanted to understand what I could teach them about the team. I responded with an immediate, “Of course.”

The conversation was rich. They had a good read on the team after just four months. I dropped some knowledge on several of my co-workers’ professional hopes and dreams and asked how else I could help.

This person said something off the cuff that I think about every single day. They were talking about their perceptions of what had changed since I left. I don’t remember the entire story, but I remember this phrase. “They liked you. Perhaps too much.” A throwaway comment that they forgot immediately th