Why learn actual skills when you can just look impressive instead?
Introducing rust-stakeholder – a CLI tool that generates absolutely meaningless but impressive-looking terminal output to convince everyone you’re a coding genius without writing a single line of useful code.
“After using rust-stakeholder, my boss stopped asking about my deadlines and started asking for my insights during board meetings.” – Developer who still hasn’t completed their tickets from last sprint
Remember, it’s not about your actual contribution to the codebase, it’s about how complicated your terminal looks when the VP of Engineering walks by. Nothing says “I’m vital to this company” like 15 progress bars, cryptic error messages you seem unfazed by, and technical jargon nobody understands.
- 🖥️ Dazzling Development Simulations: Make it look like you’re solving CERN-level computing problems when you’re actually just refreshing Reddit
- 🧠 Meaningless Jargon Generator: Impress with phrases like “Implemented non-euclidean topology optimization for multi-dimensional data representation” (no, it doesn’t mean anything)
- 📊 Convincing Progress Bars: Nothing says “I’m working” like a progress bar slowly advancing while you’re in the break room
- 🌐 Fake Network Activity: Simulate mission-critical API requests that are actually just your computer talking to itself
- 🚨 Artificial Crisis Mode: Generate realistic-looking alerts so people think you’re heroically averting disasters
- 👥 Imaginary Team Activity: Pretend your invisible friends are sending you important pull requests
- 🎮 Domain Chameleon: Switch between backend, frontend, blockchain and 7 other domains faster than you can say “full-stack developer”
cargo install --git https://github.com/giacomo-b/rust-stakeholder.git
Or build from source (warning: might involve actual programming):
git clone https://github.com/giacomo-b/rust-stakeholder.git
cd rust-stakeholder
cargo build --release # Look at you doing real developer things!
Build image
docker build -t rust-stakeholder .
Usage
Basic usage:
docker run -t --rm rust-stakeholder
All commands below can be used through:
docker run -t --rm rust-stakeholder [arguments]
Basic usage (for entry-level imposters):
Advanced usage (for senior imposters):
# Impress the blockchain VC investors rust-stakeholder --dev-type blockchain --jargon extreme --alerts # Look busy during performance review season rust-stakeholder --complexity extreme --team --duration 1800 # Convince everyone you're a 10x game developer rust-stakeholder --dev-type game-development --framework "Custom Engine" --jargon high # For the data science frauds rust-stakeholder --dev-type data-science --jargon extreme --project "Neural-Quantum-Blockchain-AI" # Emergency mode: Your project is due tomorrow and you haven't started rust-stakeholder --dev-ty
23 Comments
chrsig
[flagged]
Liftyee
This is a cool project! Reminds me of `hollywood`[1], but specifically geared towards programming. It'll be a useful tool in my arsenal of "things to run to impress non-terminal-users".
[1] https://a.hollywood.computer/
brikym
Be sure to use a mouse jiggler if you walk away.
vzaliva
That reminded me:
Back in the early '90s, I wrote an MS-DOS TSR (Terminate and Stay Resident) "boss key" program. It would bring up a fake TurboC compilation screen whenever I pressed a key – just in case my boss walked in while I was playing a game. (The tricky part was restoring the graphics state back to normal, but that's another story.)
My boss wasn’t stupid. After a few close calls, he started asking why my compilation was taking so long without producing any results. That motivated me to improve my "boss key" app – I ended up adding line numbers that incremented on the screen, making it look like the fake compilation was actually progressing.
hannasm
So is this one on-par with DeepSeek or no? I didn't see those metrics in the ReadMe
noufalibrahim
Ah yes.. The good old "boss key".
I first discovered this in a sierra quest game and as a kid didn't know what it meant. I found out only years later.
walrus01
One could also do a "make world" on an entire FreeBSD system, if you want a lot of stuff scrolling past the screen.
ellis0n
Amazing! Finally, the design of Rust is being used not only for interviews but also for bureaucratic reports, which is what it was designed for. Now, the bureaucracy within the team has improved and the bosses will be very pleased. A very useful tool.
I had an experience where a team of Rust juniors did whatever they wanted in a separate chat and the CTO, PM and I (Lead) had no idea what was going on. This tool would have helped. Now, I’ll focus on the code review to see how Rust's safety helped solve this issue. I think this will be a topic for a great new article about the power of Rust.
_fzslm
Would be fun to plug this up to an LLM and see how absolutely unhinged it lets itself go over long runs.
kdamica
"Fork the repo (whatever that means)" I lol'd
anta40
Just installed this. Very amusing.
I think on a glance it looks more realistic than those so-called "hacker terminal/screen/whatever"
:D
Tepix
I'm so glad it's written in Rust! You know, for performance and safety and discussions at the coffee machine.
robomartin
My rule has always been very simple: If you are goofing off, don't hide it. The worst thing you can do if you work for me is think I am stupid and pretend you are working. I'd rather someone say "My head just isn't in it right now", which is honest and something that happens to all of us.
I understand the need to unplug every so often as much as anyone. There are days when my brain just isn't in sync with what I have to do. Pretending you are doing work is insulting.
BTW, I didn't come up with this idea. This rule was given to me by a former boss when he hired me. The idea stayed with me as I launched and ran my own businesses.
teleforce
> Implemented non-euclidean topology optimization for multi-dimensional data representation
Based on Google Scholar the best match is this article by researchers from Imperial College, London:
Tensor Networks for Multi-Modal Non-Euclidean Data:
https://arxiv.org/abs/2103.14998
Looks like a very legit game changing and ground breaking work.
stigi
The work is mysterious and important
jama211
Isn’t it just smarter to clear your actual build folder and then rebuild it with a script? Bonus points if you limit resources to it so it takes ages? That way if they ever actually look closely, they’ll see it’s the REAL work you’re supposed to be doing that’s building, and you’ll never get in trouble
dancccskooma
I hope this was vibe-coded
philipdavis
The badges are hilarious lol
career|saved stakeholders|impressed
uwagar
run it during a DOGE audit.
BitBangBling
[dead]
keyle
Someone please make one that makes your computer looks like it's locked up for ransomeware, and see your stakeholder's face. Priceless.
__rito__
Quick question: do people who do production design for movies use something like this for coder/hacker screen? Should they?
wewewedxfgdf
Of course its written in Rust.